I have read the lengthy article on marriage, and I find myself wanting to cry out, “Stop it!” Stop with the desire to restrict the lives of my friends. Stop with the dismissive and condescending attitudes toward their love and mutual commitment. Stop with the pharisaic blathering. Stop with the self-serving, holier-than-thou posturing. Stop with the self-righteous attempts to find a second-class definition for relationships you regard as less perfect than your own. Stop with your identification of virtue with tradition. Stop with the prejudice. Just, please, re-read Luke 18 and stop it! Non-heterosexuals deserve respect, not “compassion.”

The article is a classic case of starting with the conclusion and searching for arguments to make it seem justified. As every argument founders, the supporters of prejudice will find another. So now it has come full circle, and now marriage is all about sex – excuse me, now it is all about “heterosexual sex.” So the couple featured in Denver newscasts a year or two ago – the couple who spoke their vows while the man was on his death-bed – that couple was not married? So the veteran who returns from war a quadriplegic, and who, together with a faithful opposite-gender partner who has waited for this moment, speaks vows before God and witnesses, and is pronounced married, but is unable to perform the act of heterosexual sex – that veteran is not married? So the couple who spoke vows while one partner was imprisoned, with years to serve before eligibility for parole – that couple is not married? So the vows of others who, for whatever reason, do not have “heterosexual sex,” are invalid? So the vows taken by innumerable couples over the centuries: “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death parts us;” the pledge “to have and to hold from this day forward … forsaking all others;” those vows are fatally flawed because they specify only the quality of a relationship but do not specify heterosexual sex?

I can hardly find words to express my dismay and outrage. I am straight, white, Protestant, ordained, living now more than half a century in a marriage that needs no “defense,” still proclaiming “grace sufficient,” having grown over my lifetime in recognizing, overcoming, and speaking out against degrees of misogyny, prejudice against racial and ethnic minorities, dismissive attitudes toward other nations and religious traditions, and prejudice against persons of other sexual orientations or gender identities. In each case, large segments of the church clung stubbornly to the prejudice. I think “marriage” is the right word for the loving, committed, life-long unions of non-heterosexuals, and would regard acceptance of that term as a joyful widening of the circle. How can the witness of the church be fully effective if we are more concerned to define the neighbor than to embrace? Please read my accessible little book, A Place at the Table: Scripture, Sexuality, and Life in the Church (iuniverse.com/bookstore). The whole church needs to repent, to take a fresh look at our sisters and brothers of every sexual orientation or gender identity (including heterosexual) who live with their own individual gifts and burdens, and to learn full mutual respect. It’s a New Testament attitude.

author notes

FROM THE AUTHOR:

As the subtitle makes clear, this book is my contribution to the ongoing conversation in many churches concerning issues of human sexuality.

As a reading of the book will make clear, dealing with the issues will mean reviewing one’s understandings of scripture and thinking about one’s integrity in dealing with the text. Additionally, the treatment accorded this currently vital issue will impact the Bible Study, preaching, evangelism outreach, social ministry, parish education, and almost everything else that takes place in congregations and denominations.

It truly is a book about the Bible, and about sexuality, and about life in the church. I think it possible to approach the book as primarily about the Bible, with sexuality as the issue inviting consideration of one’s understandings and applications of scripture. I think it possible to approach the book as primarily about sexuality, with that important topic viewed through the lens of scripture and church. I think it possible to approach the book as primarily about church life, and how church life is shaped by the ancient text and this one current vital and contentious issue.

While the book has clear value for individual reading and reflection, the arrangement of material makes it a useful and valuable resource for group study and discussion by adults and youth.

I invite your endorsements, comments, and questions. My website is www.kennethdthurow.com and my e-mail is kdthurow@aol.com.

Order additional copies from www.iuniverse.com/bookstore,
or by phone from 1-800-288-4677.

Three kinds of feedback. Week before last I was quoted in a local newspaper, a fairly innocuous quote in which I expressed my support for a change in ELCA policy to permit non-heterosexuals to serve in rostered ministry on the same basis as heterosexuals. Last week the same columnist printed three responses -- three types of responses -- anonymous except for gender. One, fairly brief, agreed with my perspective. Another went to great lengths to explain her total misunderstanding of Romans 1. Hers is the too-common stance in which people say, "I may be prejudiced, but don't blame me, God made me do it!" But the third, apparently from a member of the congregation I am now serving (she said I'm a "wonderful interim pastor"), simply voiced her own weariness with and opposition to the attention given sexuality issues. She didn't blame God, she simply expressed an opinion -- a prejudice, to be sure. I'm still thinking through that response. At one level, I appreciate the honesty and the way she acknowledges her attitudes as her own. But at another level, this is still the position that contributes to the struggles of LGBTQ persons and permits their continued victimization. Church and society need to do better. And I think she needs some LGBTQ friends, to help her find her way.